It ain't easy being green. Kermit knows it, and now I do too, because everywhere I turn someone else is getting something that I really, really want - a promotion, a puppy, a bought-not-rented house that doesn't grow furry mould up the walls every winter. Even a friend's great new haircut will bring out the most horrifically mean, jealous side of me - my well mannered finger will double click the Instagram picture, but my bitter mind will be furiously looping a refrain of "why wouldn't that look nice on ME?!"
Humans are selfish creatures by nature - however generous, loyal and loving we pretend to be, we're still part of the brutal animal kingdom that Attenborough narrates with such acceptance. "And with that, the polar bear leaves the group behind to perish because her baby needs to eat, and the rest of them are too fucking slow," he drawls calmly (okay, not a direct quote), and if it came down to fighting for survival in the Arctic, we'd totally be that polar bear too. Naturally, instinctively, you're out for you and yours, and no one wants to be left behind - which is why, when you're not top of the heap and ahead of the pack, it really, really wrenches your gut.
Social media is the sour cherry on top of this cake - polar bears, at least, don't have to deal with perfectly framed and filtered snaps of their friends' amazing holidays, fun nights out, ridiculous food (which they demolish without gaining a pound) and incredible outfits that you'll never be able to afford. Recent studies show that two in five young people believe they'd be happier without social media - it generates feelings of inadequacy and unattractiveness, and 62% say it makes them feel bad about their own life and achievements.
The main takeaway from this, other than being sad that we can't all get over ourselves and be happy for each other, should be that everyone else gets a visit from the green-eyed monster when they see things they wish they had too - maybe even when they're looking at your newsfeed. It's crucial to remember that the pictures you see on Facebook, Instagram and co. are the bits of people's lives that they know are worth sharing, the highlights - not the monotony of the job they hate, the argument they had with their partner that morning, or the fuck-off enormous spot on their chin (that they've artfully cropped out in their selfie, obvs).
Offline, you just have to round up all of your positives and realise that your life is overflowing with great things that you don't even notice anymore. Feel free to turn around and never come back at this point (or vomit directly on your screen, your choice), but at the end of a really shitty day my boyfriend and I make a list of the five best things about it. Sometimes it feels impossible - on a day when you've been shat on by a pigeon or called the C word by a random stranger, it's not easy to be grateful - but if you think hard enough, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD GOING FOR YOU. You got a seat on the train - hooray! You finished a book you really loved - success! You have a home and a job and a family and a delicious carb-heavy dinner to eat tonight. You are the 1%. Don't undermine how much that means.
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