An ode to heavy duty make up

"She was in her element!" was my mum's favourite phrase about me as a child. First day of school? In my element. First swimming lesson? REALLY in my element. The first time I read a book independently, I was so deep in my element I could touch the molten hot lava at the centre of it. When I was small and reasonably cute, there were loads of activities that made me quickly and carelessly happy. 

Things changed. I grew (outwards and upwards), lost any semblance of balance and grace and, most upsettingly, developed a face full of spots. Suddenly, my only element became wearing all black clothing and staying at least 20ft from the nearest camera lens (I did still like books though). "Won't it be great when I grow out of this?” I thought. “When I hit 20 and shed this mess to reveal flawless airbrushed pores? When I'm the kind of girl that turns heads?"

Aged 24, I DO turn heads. But mostly so people can get a better look at the spot between my eyes so massive it looks like a bullet wound.

Adult acne sucks, even worse than it does as a teenager - because everyone else has grown out of theirs. It can ruin everything from a job interview to a wedding invitation (along with your self confidence) because you're terrified your skin will betray you - and no Instagram filter is going to cover that shit. The only positive thing about mine is that I’ve found a new activity that made me happy again - applying veritable bucketloads of make up. 

Make up is often dismissed as self indulgent and anti-feminist, a hobby for narcissists - all of which is absolute bollocks. Women absolutely don’t HAVE to wear it, and I know countless women who feel just as stunning fresh faced as they do with a full face. But on the flip side, no one should be vilified for wearing it either - whether it's to conceal, enhance or create, if we enjoy it, we should trowel on as much as we bloody want. 

Make up makes me feel confident enough to pursue the things I loved as a child, and was too scared to do as a teen. I still read and I still swim, and (nerd alert) learning makes me happiest of all. Incidentally, each step of my routine is the product of much research, and knowledge that I'll continue to develop as my face ages.

Ultimately, the most crucial feeling humans must retain over their body is control - and acne takes that away, taunting you in each reflective surface. But with every bottle of Estée Lauder Doublewear, with every gloriously firm-bristled stippling brush, and every tube of heavy duty concealer, I'm reclaiming ownership of the skin I've spent too many years hating - and when I see a face looking back at me that I can reconcile with myself, THAT is where I am truly in my element.